just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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