eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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