seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
