You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
