drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The beer is more important than you right now.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
