The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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