Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
