turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
