i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
