I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
