I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
