my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
