I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
