I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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