I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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