His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
