it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
