Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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