What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
