Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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