i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
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I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
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Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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