Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
