Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Actions speak louder than pants.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
