Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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