Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
