Someone shit on the floor
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
