we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
