The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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