I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
