So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
