Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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