Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
