He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
