im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
