I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
