I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
