I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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