dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
ttyl tear gas
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
