All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
