My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
