She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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