It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
