i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
