I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
