Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize