We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I don't think brook has ever known best
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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