By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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