Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
