I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
farters have to be the big spoon...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
