oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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