dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm just crazy horny about you
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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