My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
