shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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