i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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