I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
