I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize