I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
