I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
