I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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