im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
