Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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