Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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