he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
