i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
