Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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