i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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