He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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