we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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