Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
