Where is the hickey?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
