I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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