I am spending my child support on dildos
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
