Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
