he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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